Leaving the “Good Girl” Behind: Why Self-Devotion Is the Bravest Thing You Can Do
When was the last time you felt seen—not for the polished, “acceptable” version of yourself, but for the real, untamed, imperfect you?
For most of my life, I was the Good Girl. Raised in religion, Caribbean culture, respectful silence, kindness, “having it together.” My value was tied to being compliant, quiet, pretty, agreeable. But over time, I realized that being the Good Girl wasn’t protection—it was abandonment: abandoning my voice, my dreams, my desires, my edges.
In my newest video—and in the work I've poured my life into—I tell the truth: leaving that Good Girl behind has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And the most rewarding.
1. The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing (Self-Abandonment in Shiny Clothes)
It’s not just that we say “yes” to things we don’t want, or smile through resentment. People-pleasing is often rooted in trauma, fear of anger, fear of rejection, fear of being too much—or not enough. According to a YouGov poll from 2022, 49% of adults self-identified as people-pleasers. Women's Health+1
Half of those adults feel that people-pleasing makes life harder than easier—and more women than men say they were socialized into this pattern. YouGov
For me? Every compliment I wanted. Every approval I chased. Every boundary I swallowed. It felt like I was trying to be loved by everyone—and in that chase, I lost track of me.
2. When “God and Religion” Fall Apart — But Faith Survives
As a Caribbean-raised, religious kid, being “good” was rewarded—morally, socially, spiritually. But too often, religion became a framework that demanded compliance, said “be quiet,” or “don’t question.” And when that same religion hurt me—or made me feel “less than”—my faith got tangled.
What changed? I didn’t stop believing—I reframed it. I swapped “God” for “Creator.” Still divine. Still real. But no longer a tool for condemnation. I’m learning how to live in that love that says, you don’t have to do anything right. I love you just the way you are.
That kind of permission changed my nervous system—and my life.
3. The Tenderness of Being Misunderstood (and Why That Hurts Deep)
In a new photo I posted, I felt tender: seen, supported, happy. Then came end-eyes, judgment, hate-filled DMs. It hurt like hell—because when you're already tender, those words land heavy. But then God/Creator whispered: those judgments aren’t about you—they’re projections from ignorance.
Solace and forgiveness followed. Because I realized: My mission isn’t for everyone. What if I dared to be visible anyway?
4. Incipient Lives vs. Full-Flavor Lives
I coined it: an incipient life—one that’s half-lived, small, safe, withholding flavor. I can’t stand those lives. Not in food, not in music, not in business, not in how I breathe.
I don’t want edible. I want succulent. I want my life to taste like Caribbean spice, rising energy, unapologetic edges, laughter, tears, flavor, healing, accountability, creative strategy, cry sessions, barefoot dancing, long tea, deep prayer, fierce love, softened boundaries.
And when you live that way, business isn’t hustle—it’s heart. Your life is your business.
5. The Day I Stopped Lying to Myself (and How It Birthed My Voice)
I spent most of my life living in compartments: with family, I was quiet; in faith spaces, compliant; in online spaces, curated. Let me tell you: lying to yourself is worse than lying to others. Because eventually, you forget who you are.
The realest moment? When I looked in the mirror and said: I am 49. I approve of me exactly as I am—imperfections, loud smiles, blunt opinions, tears and gratitude, all of it. I found my voice. That voice is what helps other women come home to themselves too.
6. Why Elizabeth Gilbert’s All the Way to the River Changed Everything Right Now
Elizabeth Gilbert—who gave us Eat, Pray, Love—has never shied away from writing her soul. Her new memoir, All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation, is out September 9, 2025 via Riverhead Books. PenguinRandomhouse.com
It chronicles her relationship with Rayya Elias, addiction, illness, grief, and the fierce act of telling truth without armor. Gaga reviewers (New Yorker, People, Washington Post) call it “raw,” “unflinching,” “deeply healing.” ELLE+2People.com+2
Oprah even chose it as her Oprah’s Book Club pick. Oprah.com+1
Gilbert sheds Botox, fillers, and beauty expectations, embracing aging and her “duck-fluff” hair in service of truth. Allure
This book is kindred to the every-woman-shed-my-good-girl shell. It shows us what happens when you commit to loving through grief, embracing your body, saying the unlovely, and stepping into your liberation.
“It takes guts to say, ‘I am not the version of me that you thought I was.’”
That line from my video was partly inspired by the courage Gilbert modeled.
7. Studies & Stats to Ground This in Truth
As noted, 49% of adults identify as people-pleasers. Women's Health+1
Among self-identified people-pleasers: about 52% say the trait feels natural, and 32% say it was socially taught. Women more often cite being socialized into it. YouGov
People-pleasing behaviors correlate with increased anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout. Healing often requires boundary work, therapeutic support, and nervous-system recalibration. Psych Central
8. What If You Let Yourself Be Real Instead?
Here’s my belief: you are wildly sacred. You were made for more than compliance. What if we embraced truth over approval? What if you let the 2-year-old in you clap, even when others told you to sit down? What if you finally were so kind, and so loud, and so unapologetically you that the right people found you, and the rest just stirred?
It’s not easy. But it’s holy.
Practical Steps to Let Go of the Good Girl Life
Journal: What Good Girl commandment are you still following? (“Stay quiet,” “Be nice,” “Don’t take up space.”)
Somatic Check-In: Where in your body do those old commands live—tightness in your throat? A flattened heart? Name it. Breathe into it.
Boundary Experiment: Say “no” or “this doesn’t feel good to me.” Witness how it lands.
Devotion Ritual: Three nights a week, light a candle and ask your Creator (however you name that) to help you receive yourself.
Read Gilbert with Community: Grab All the Way to the River (paperback, ebook, or audiobook—she reads it), and let it crack open your own story. Join the conversation around Oprah’s Book Club selection.
9. Conclusion: Beautiful, Not Perfect
I believe with my faith-full body that life isn’t meant to be safe. It’s meant to taste like everything: courageous, messy, holy, liberating. If you’re here, reading this, you’re not the average. You’re feral, you’re wounded, you’re on the verge—or already stepping into your freedom.
So here’s my final blessing to you: Let the Good Girl Release continue. Choose self-devotion over approval. Let the right people see you, live your sauce, and dare to be unblendable.
Always rooting for you,
Coach Cat
References / Further Reading
All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation, Elizabeth Gilbert, Riverhead Books, September 9, 2025. PenguinRandomhouse.com+1
Oprah’s Book Club spotlight on Gilbert’s memoir. Oprah.com+1
YouGov poll on people-pleasing stats. Women's Health+1
Psychology resources on people-pleasing & self-abandonment. Psych Central+1
